One step closer. Chapter 4 - Apart

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When I wake up - it's already afternoon and Nanna has long left for work. I take my time brushing my teeth, and I skip bathing. I have nothing to do and nowhere to go anyway. I sit on the couch, with a huge tub of mint chocolate ice cream, and put on a romcom. I can't stomach dramas or thrillers. They make me incredibly anxious, so I stick to sitcoms and romcoms.

I watch TV, eat desserts, go on a walk, and I catch up on sleep. How long has it been since I've had so much leisure? Nanna comes home early and we cook dinner together. While eating I find myself wondering about the studio. Did he eat yet? Did he cook today? I hope everyone is staying at the studio for dinner today.

I know I shouldn't be thinking about any of these things, but I do. It's just that if no one else is there, he'd be having food alone and that makes me feel a bit sad. He has had company for almost eight months now, yes there were weekends, but this is different. This is going to be long term, unless we have another challenging project that needs us to work overtime, he'd have to eat by himself again. I don't like that.

Though we were not especially chatty during our dinners I felt like he liked them just as much as I did. I hope we get an exciting project soon. Wait. What did I just wish for? It hasn't even been a day since my vacation started and I'm wishing for another difficult project. And what if I get a new project that requires overtime but we aren't on the team together? Mmm..That should be fine as well, as he'd still be there, it's his home after all.

Wait, why is this whole thing centered around him? I shake my head, trying to shake him off my thoughts.

Nanna takes a few days off and we go to our hometown to visit my grandparents. They haven't seen me for ages now. Ammamma cups my face with her hands and plants a long kiss on my forehead. I must remind her of Amma. I still remember how distraught Ammamma and Thathagaru were for the year or two after Amma was gone. Nanna tried to stay strong for me but I knew all too well how empty he felt. His smile always seemed off, he tried to force a smile for me, but it felt painful. It took us all so much time to recover from the void that Amma left us in. It's been 5 years, but I miss her everyday.

"So tell me about your office," asks Ammamma, while feeding me dal rice with mango pickle. Amma used to do this for me. I can't remember the taste of it now. How can I forget that?

"Sanju..," Ammamma calls me again, and I smile.

"Office is great Ammamma, I like my work a lot," I say with a wide smile on my face. I miss it. It has been 2 weeks, and I miss them all.

"That's nice to hear. Are they treating you well?", She asks, quite serious this time.

"Of course. Everyone is really really good to me," I insist. Well one of them doesn't really smile, but feeds me often. That counts as treating me well, right?

She gives me a warm smile. I could tell she's relieved. I give her a squishy hug and she blushes. Ammammas are the cutest beings, I tell you.

One more week flies by as Thata buys me delicacies of all kinds from everywhere around our village. He brings home all the things that I've enjoyed as a child and it feels priceless. I'll always be that naughty little child for them and I don't mind being one for as long as I can.

"Come with us," I ask them both as Nanna and I are about to leave.

"Not now, but will definitely visit you soon," they say, in unison, as if they rehearsed this bit before. We understand that they don't really feel comfortable in the city, so Nanna and I never force them. Also, it's better if we visit them. It will be such a hassle for them to travel all the way there.

***

I didn't realize that three weeks could pass by this quickly. My vacation comes to an end just like that and yet I don't feel even the tiniest bit of disappointment.

"You look quite happy," says Nanna, with a mischievous smile.

"No, I am not," I protest. Who in their right mind would be happy about going back to work after a good vacation.

"I know you love going to work," He says.

"I do," I give in. It's true though. I really love going to work. I love the studio, I love my desk, I love my friends, and I love... Where was that train of thought going?

As I eat my dinner, I keep thinking about the studio. What kind of a project will I work on next? Will it be as exciting as the last one?

All that aside, I'm glad that I'll get to meet my friends. Shyam and Fathima texted me for the first two weeks, keeping me updated about the happenings in the studio. They haven't texted me during this week, I didn't bother them as well, they must have been busy. And I'll see them soon anyway.

I didn't realize my thoughts turning into dreams and the night fading into morning. When I wake up, there's still a lot of time left to get to work. I try to sleep a little more. I can't. I freshen up as slowly as I can, cook some food, pack lunch for Nanna & myself, and start to work.

Looking at our little studio makes me so happy, the mustard yellow door feels as welcoming as ever. How I missed this!

As I am about to step into the studio, Karthik spots me and comes over.

"Hello Sanju, welcome back. How was your vacation?", he asks.

"It was great. Thank you. I went to my grandparents back in the village. It was so much fun," I tell him as both of us walk inside.

"Nice," He smiles.

Fathima, Siri, Shyam, and Manoj ask me the same question one after the other and I give them all the details. Though I'm talking to them, I can't help looking towards my desk..and his desk. It's empty. Where's he?

I sit at my desk after catching up with all of them, but Adi is still not here. Should I ask someone?

As if he has heard my thoughts, Manoj comes by and says, "By the way, Adi has a personal emergency - he'll be working remotely for 2 months."

What? Did something happen to him?

"Nothing to worry about. His father had to go through a surgery and his brother is out of the country at the moment. So Adi wanted to be there with his parents until his dad completely recovered. It'll take about 2 months," he says. Manoj always seems to know what's on my mind, and he always finds the right words to make me feel better.

I don't know what to say so I just nod.

"And about your new project, Shyam will take you through it," he says with a smile.

"Oh, sounds good," I say. Manoj leaves his desk and I turn on my laptop and open the business chat. Adi is offline. I hover over his name for a while wondering if I should text him. After spending a couple of minutes staring at his name, I finally decided not to.

Shyam comes to me and walks me through the new project. It is interesting.

"Who's doing the background art?" I ask. It was more of an instinctive response. I didn't even think about it.

"Siri and Paul," Shyam says.

"Oh," my voice sounds so alien to my own ears. Why do I sound so dejected?

Shyam looks at me with a puzzled expression so I quickly correct myself and say, "That's great," with a wide smile.

He smiles back and leaves.

I look at my computer and a message pops up.

'How was your vacation?'

Aditya. Why do I feel so relieved seeing his name on the screen?

'It was good. How is your father doing now? I just heard from Manoj,' I type back

Aditya - 'He's doing well. He needs some rest and he should be ok.'

'That's good.'

Aditya - 'Did you get to know about your new project?'

'Yes, Shyam told me about it.'

Aditya - 'Ok.'

What am I supposed to say after that? I try to come up with something, but nothing feels natural, so I give up. I stare at his name for a while longer wondering how long it will take for me to just lift my head up to find him across me again.

***

Working with Shyam and others feels easier as we are on the same page most of the time. I don't have to coerce them with practicality to reach a common ground. With Adi, it was like a tug of war between elaborate imaginations and resource constraints. It was fun though.

He texts me, occasionally, enquiring about the progress of our project. Our chats are very short, I give him an update and he says something encouraging. They either end with a 'good job' from him or 'thank you' from me. Whenever I see Manoj on a video call with Adi, I get this immense urge to sneak a peek, but I always fail to conjure enough confidence to do so. I want to do that too. Video call him.

I browsed the internet for information about Indian sign language and I found a couple of websites offering online lessons. I enrolled in one of them. Again, an impulse. It will make it easier to communicate with him. It's not fair for him to put in all the effort, I should too.

I spend my mornings waiting for his text and my evenings learning his language. My instructor says that I'm getting better at it. I hope so. Kadhir, my instructor, is deaf. I'm very bad at telling my left from right and I have trouble picking up the signs and remembering them. Kadhir, however, is extremely patient with me. He repeats the signs multiple times until I engrain them into my memory. Practicing conversations with him makes me feel a little bit confident about my progress.

Nanna has seen me learning from Kadhir. He never asked about it and I didn't have to give him a reason. He said he understands. What did he understand though?

***

It's been way more than two months. 83 days, but Adi hasn't come. He texted me that he'll have to stay home for a little longer, but he did not mention how long. Shyam told me that Adi's brother is back home and Adi is taking a vacation. I understand that this vacation is long due for him but isn't it too long. Shouldn't he be coming back by now? 83 days! If I include my vacation, it's more than three months. I haven't seen him for three months.

Wait! Did I keep count? Why?

Something is wrong with me. I keep thinking about him and it just doesn't make any sense. I'm not even fond of him. But why is he always in my thoughts? I doze off thinking about him.

When I get to work, everybody seems to be discussing something very important. I quickly go and join them. I hear many questions flying around.

"Where is the place? Is it big?"

"Is there a metro close by?"

"Is it finalized?"

Manoj is trying to keep up with the questions, but there were just too many. He hushes everyone and starts explaining.

"It is close by. The next lane. It is a two story building. Shyam and I will rent the first floor, and our studio will be on the ground floor. The owner is quite reasonable, the rent is within our budget, so we will finalize it," he says. "If everything goes according to plan, we'll be moving in a week tops."

I am aware that Manoj has been looking for a new place for our studio. I've seen him and others visiting places and ruling out options. Now that they've liked something and announced it, it feels real.

Just as Manoj said, it took him a week to finalize everything. And because the place is very close by, a mere three minute walk from here, it takes us no time to shift everything.

Manoj, Shyam, Siri, and I take a look at the empty hall in front of us. I stayed back with them because Manoj asked me to and I also didn't feel like parting with this house just yet. It feels strange. The window which once had my desk and Adis to keep her company, looks so alone now. I'll miss this place. Though it is very close, I'm not sure if i'm going to get any more chances to stop by. The mustard yellow door, the greens outside, the kitchen, the conference room, and everything in it. I'll miss them all.

I look at Manoj. He is packing a couple of things from the cupboard. I wonder how he must be feeling. He has worked here the longest besides Adi. I turn my eyes from one person to another until I come back to Manoj. They must be feeling a little empty inside as well. The new studio is spacious and convenient, but this one is special. I look at the little metal gate and I remember the first time I walked through it. Time does fly.

I see someone walking inside. I can see the silhouette of a man carrying a suitcase. Adi? Because it's dark, I can not make out his face. As he walks inside, his features get illuminated by the light and I can see him clearly. 

It's him. He's here. Finally.

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