Friday, 24 May 2024

One step closer. Chapter 7 - Later?

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I have no choice but to turn around and leave.

The turn of events is unbelievable. I realized I liked him and I confessed to him right after.

What got into me. Have I always been this impulsive?

As much as I tried to ignore them, he did say this is not right and it scares me. What did he mean by that? Did he reject me? I know I confessed but I didn't ask him to be with me or to like me back, so he can't really reject me, can he?

My head hurts. I have been thinking about him all the way back home and now I feel like my brain is not capable of any more thinking.

He didn't text me today. Did I mess up everything?

"Is everything ok?" Nanna asks. He sounds worried.

"I don't know. I did something incredibly stupid," I say.

"What?" He asks.

"I told Adi that I like him and he said it is not right," I say, dejected. What should I do now?

"You finally confessed?" Nanna smiles.

Finally?

"Don't smile Nanna, it is serious," I say, a little tear escaping my eye.

"Sorry. It's just I've seen you going on and on about him for over a year, so I am just surprised that you finally told him," Nanna sounds positively happy, but I am not.

Was it that obvious? Who else has noticed? Did Adi notice as well?

"Nanna!" I hiss.

"Sorry sorry. But you did all you could. It's his choice now, isn't it," He says calmly.

I know. I understand that it's his choice, but I wish he'd make one that works in my favour. Is it too much to ask?

He did say that it's not right, so does that mean he has already made a decision. What did he mean by talking about it later? Is he going to give me a proper rejection?

No.

I don't want that.

I know that he'll not be cruel about it, and that he'd still treat me like always, but I don't like that to happen.

I should brace myself. My eyes feel heavier and heavier and before I know sleep engulfs me.

As I walk into the office, I remind myself that I should stay on my toes. I don't want to avoid him. I am afraid of getting rejected by him, but shutting him out after confessing is not the right thing to do. So, I'll just stay careful and pray that he won't get a chance to bring it up. 

I go to my desk, set things up, and Adi walks in just as I turn on my computer. I look at him and wish him good morning with a smile. I don't want things to be awkward between us. Liking someone shouldn't be embarrassing and being liked shouldn't be uncomfortable. I'll just be my usual self and I will try not to bother him.

He gives me a confused look. "Good morning," He signs. Before he can say anything else, I turn my head down and get to work.

Manoj assigns us new projects, and we are on the same team. It is good in a way. When Adi is engrossed in work he doesn't think about other things. Also putting everything aside, we make a good team. Manoj and Shyam are on our team as well.

Days pass by quickly as we try our best to meet the project deadline. This is a challenging project and the timeline is too tight. Thankfully, it doesn't leave me with a lot of time to delve into my heart. Adi is quite busy as well, so the we-will-talk-about-it-later didn't happen yet.

"Congratulations on the successful completion of the project," Manoj signs.

Two months. It was intense yet incredible. The client was great, we always got crisp feedback, and they were ready to compensate for the extra hours we put in - which is quite rare in our field of work. The project itself is quite impressive, the idea is new, the execution is something I didn't get to try before. So, I did learn a lot of things while working on it. I also learnt many new signs just by looking at the three of them talking to each other. I feel like I've gotten a bit better at it.

"Sanju and Adi, take a day off tomorrow. Shyam and I will take one later this week," Manoj signs. He turns to Adi and gives him a smile.

Adi looks calm as usual. No discerning expression on his face. Isn't he happy about the day off? I am. All my weekends were spent worrying about storyboards and drafts. Now I can truly rest for a day.

I say my goodbye to everyone and walk out. Adi follows me.

"We need to talk," he signs.

Seriously! Right now! We just wrapped the project. Couldn't he have given me more time to prepare myself.

"I need to go home now, can we talk some other time," I make up an excuse. I am not ready for this. I'm sure he'd say something like We are not right for eachother or it's not you, it's me. I'm not going to have any of that now. Nope. Let me rest first.

"Ok. Later then?" he asks.

"Yes. Later. Bye." I sign and walk away as quickly as I can.

At home, I tell Nanna what happened.

"You should have talked to him," he says, "You can't avoid it forever, Sanju. Talk to him."

Nanna is right. I can't drag this on. If he wants to talk me out of this, I should let him do it. It's his choice. The least I could do is to listen...to understand. I don't think I can keep dodging this conversation anymore.

As I try to sleep, my brain cooks up various imaginary scenarios of him rejecting me. After going over twenty such simulations, I don't think the real one will faze me much. I believe, I'm now fully equipped to write 'How to handle a rejection 101'. With the ideas about the book shaping up in my head, I finally fall asleep.

I wake up to my phone ringing. It's nanna. I recognise the ringtone. I reach for my phone and take the call.

"Are you still sleeping?" He says.

"Mmm."

"I made Lunch for you. Take a bath, eat it, and sleep again," he says.

"Mmm."

"Sanju, wake up!" He says before hanging up.

I look at the phone, it's already afternoon.

I get off the bed and drag myself into the washroom. Taking a warm bath does feel good. It feels as if all my worries are being washed away. I hope this calm remains with me for long.

Ring Ring Ring Ring

I hear my phone ringing. Adi. I know it's him because I set a different ringtone for him as well.

I grab the towel, wrap it around, and rush out of the bathroom. I reach the bed and bend forward to grab the phone. I manage to grab it, but as soon as I do that, I slip. This is going to be bad. I instinctively put my right hand out to support myself. I fall down with a thud, most of my weight resting on my hand. My phone! I look around, and I find it a little away from me, cracked. I prop myself up on my left hand and get up. I try to move my right hand, but it hurts. A lot. I guess my phone isn't the only thing that broke.

I sit on the bed, wipe myself, and put on some clothes. Doing things with a non dominant hand is just so difficult. I notice my right hand swelling up. What should I do?

I should go to the hospital. I can't wait until Nanna comes home, what if it gets worse. I grab my bag and leave. I find an auto right away, I get on and start to the hospital.

Though I am afraid of hospitals because of all that amma went through, I can't deny that I feel strangely familiar with them. I did spend a lot of time in hospitals.

The doctor is an elderly lady with a gentle smile. She looks warm. I am afraid of stern doctors, so I'm glad that she isn't one of those. She takes a look at my hand, asks me where it hurts and then orders an X-ray of it.

"You have a Colles fracture. It is a kind of wrist fracture, it could have been serious, but you're lucky that the bone is not displaced. A plaster cast for 4 weeks, and it should be fine," the doctor says. She plasters my hand and it's like laying layers upon layers of gauze with plaster. The cast is getting heavier by the minute. She gives me a shoulder sling and some instructions. I make a mental note of them. The cast shouldn't get wet, it shouldn't feel too tight or too loose. I should always wriggle your fingers and should keep the hand elevated.

I call nanna from the reception and he rushes to the hospital.

"Why didn't you call me immediately," he cries. I can see he's worried.

"My phone broke nanna, and i thought it'll all be tests and x rays, so I thought I'd call you once all that is done," I say, calmly.

"No, why did you have to do that all by yourself, I could have been here with you," he says.

"Sorry, Nanna," I say, avoiding his eyes. "And nanna, I need to send an email to Manoj. Can you help me?"

"Why are you thinking about work now?" His voice is loud.

"Shh! I'm not working. I need to tell him about my hand and ask for a leave," I explain, and he calms down a bit.

He nods.

I've always seen people wearing plaster casts, but I never realized it'd be so itchy and heavy. I don't feel any pain in my hand, but it feels so uncomfortable. I need to have it on for 4 weeks. What am I going to do? What about Adi? What did he call me for?

After spending most of my afternoon in the hospital, Home feels heavenly. I fetch my laptop from the room, open it and give it to nanna. Nanna sends Manoj an email from my mailbox. We also mention my broken phone and that I'd be glad to help if there's anything else that I can do during the four weeks.

I am sad that my absence might put a wringer in the new project allocation, but I am glad this happened after we wrapped up the previous one. It would have been so difficult for everyone if I had broken my hand last week. Thank god for that.

I am tired. I thought today was going to be a resting day, but it turned out to be something else. I throw myself onto the couch, and fall asleep. 

Nanna's voice brings me out of my sleep.

"Sanju," Nanna calls again. His voice came from the main door.

What happened?

"Coming," I call out. I carefully get off the couch, and walk towards the door.

As I get closer and closer to the door, I can see another silhouette right behind Nanna. It feels familiar.

Nanna turns around to look at me, and says, "I wanted to go and get you some essentials, and I found him pacing in front of our house. He must be Adi, right?"

Nanna moves closer to me, unblocking the person behind him and he is right. It is Adi. What is he doing here?

I am speechless. I look at nanna and back at Adi.

"Take him inside, I'll see you in a while," nanna says, tapping my shoulder.

Don't go. I desperately wish, but nanna leaves without barring me a second glance. He smiles at Adi and gestures to him to go inside.

It's just Adi and Me now.

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