Safe...

This happened to me a couple of days back. I was waiting to pick my little one up at his bus stop. It was 2:30 in the afternoon, the street was pretty busy with so many shops around and lots of people. I suddenly notice that a person who’s walking in the opposite direction, suddenly turns around and starts walking towards me. I get scared. With every step he’s taking in my direction, I grew increasingly nervous. I am 34 years old. It is an afternoon, there are at least 20 people around, not particularly close but close enough to hear me if i were to scream.

But I did not feel safe. At all.

5 minutes. That was all. For 5 minutes, he was walking around me. A little sway in his step, and that's all it took to terrify me.

When my little one's school van stopped, this person started walking faster. And I was ready to pick up my son and run. But then I realized he was just trying to get into the van not knowing it’s a school van, he might have looked at me and believed this is where people stood to take a taxi…maybe. However, my 5 minute hell was real. I was so scared. I felt vulnerable. I felt unsafe.

What could be the reason?

The reason is that this is not a one off incident. In my 34 years of life, I've seen a great number of men behaving inappropriately towards us. So many instances. So many lucky escapes. So many so-called safe spaces, absolutely unsafe. We’ve seen a lot and nothing feels safe anymore.

Give us nunchucks, or a pepper spray, or swaddle us in clothes, or put us in an iron armor - but all it takes is one man walking towards us when we are alone, to make us feel unsafe. We could run, yes, but how many times, from how many men, and until when? And to be honest, we are tired. Tired of being on our toes day in and day out. It’s exhausting.

So, no - cladding us in safety gear or locking us indoors is not going to work. It never did.

When the problem isn’t lying with us, how will imposing solutions on us help? 

We’ve spent years trying to do that…and failed….!

So maybe, at least now, let's start with those who make things unsafe for us…

These people are often hidden in plain sight. Their words, their jokes, their ‘harmless’ jibes give them out - when we spot them around us - let’s call them out, hold them accountable, tell them it’s wrong…tell them it's not ok. Shout. Scream. Until all of them learn that they can no longer get away with this. Until they can see themselves as the monsters they’ve become. 

To those who urge women to stay safe… tell me

What is safe?

When is safe?